与我为邻

An ordained minister in Pittsburgh, Mr. Rogers (1928-2003) is the show-runner and host of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, a children’s program of PBS, ran from 1968 to 2001. What singularly distinguishes Mr. Rogers from his coevals is his affable persona (which is almost too good-natured to invite skepticism that it is just a front in front of the camera) and his far-reaching, forward-looking philosophy that “every child is inherently special” and he in earnest, “loves each and every kid in the way they are”. And Neville’s quasi-cradle-to-grave documentary makes an eloquent case of lionizing Mr. Rogers, it is a hagiography, but indeed, for such a saintlike figure, the “h” word is fair and square.

Collating Rogers’ own footage (of the show, his interview and other televised occasions, predominantly the one during 1969 US Senate Subcommittee on Communications, modulated by John Pastore, his cogent testimony which secured funding for PBS at then), the usual talking heads of his family, friends and colleagues, doling out succinct comments, recollections or anecdotes, with children-friendly snippets of animation, WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR? comprehensively encompasses almost all the hot-button topics and accidents during Mr. Rogers’ life: consumerism, racism, warfare, homosexuality, JFK’s assassination, The Challenger disaster, among others.

By conventional estimation, those aforementioned issues are simply not apposite for the show’s key demo (roughly toddler to preteen), but Mr. Rogers knows better and in the movie’s very first scene, he frankly muses that a young child needs certain modulations to prepare them for the real world, thus he becomes their modulator, inculcating cracker-barrel nuggets through his show, the Neighborhood of Making-Believe and his trademark puppetry, without dumbing down their nuts and bolts of. On that aspect, an affable Mr. Rogers is an indomitable force, and his endeavor’s vast beneficence is validated by the massive popularity he has amassed spanning over three decades.

Of course, one of the major curiosities lies in Mr. Rogers’ almost inconceivable all-around decency as a human being, which does not tally with our time-honored conviction that each person is a complex entity, what is Mr. Rogers’ dark side? That is a question the documentary tactfully evades, but on a second thought, if one’s dark side is rather disproportional compared to their oceanic goodness and sageness, why should anyone want to be a fault-finding rubbernecker? At the end of the day, it is Mr. Rogers’ indiscriminately wholesome christianity that gets the best of any dyed-in-the-wool cynics, WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR? is like its subjects, soft-spoken and well-intentioned, blissfully illuminating, whole-heartedly humble, an efficacious antidote to our troubled times.

referential entries: Neville’s 20 FEET FROM STARDOM (2013, 6.1/10); Marielle Heller’s A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD (2019, 7.6/10).

依稀记得之前境界公众号推送过他，昨天偶尔看了这部片子，才明白为何这个身穿毛衣脚踩乐福鞋的儒雅先生成为许多孩子童年最美好的记忆和陪伴。

看完后，又找了罗杰斯先生的一些访谈去看。下面按着关键词散记一些内容。

爱

罗杰斯先生说话有种独特的能力，真诚，平和，充满对人的尊重，理解，接纳……这一切都是从爱而来。

他的核心理念是爱，而其中一方面在于接纳：

"Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now."

爱的另一个体现在于倾听：

"Listening is where love begins: listening to ourselves and then to our neighbors."

片中还提到一个有趣的细节，就是罗杰斯先生喜欢数字143。1代表我（I），4代表爱（love），3代表（you）。他经常游泳完去称重，体重143 pounds (~65kg)。他从1960s时候基本保持着这个体重。马友友很惊叹他能一直做到这一点。

我能想到的诗意解读是，他的生命都是爱的分量。

他还写创作了一首歌：

Many Ways To Say I Love You

There are many ways to say I love you There are many ways to say I care about you. Many ways, many ways, many ways to say I love you.

There's the singing way to say I love you There's the singing something someone really likes to hear, The singing way, the singing way, the singing way to say I love you.

Cleaning up a room can say I love you. Hanging up a coat before you're asked to Drawing special pictures for the holidays and Making plays.

You'll find many ways to say I love you. You'll find many ways to understand what love is. Many ways, many ways, many ways to say I love you.

Singing, cleaning, Drawing, being Understanding, Love you.

倾听与安静

罗杰斯先生善于倾听，在倾听中全神贯注，适时提问。他不仅听见说出来的话语，也在听话语背后的人。

“More and more I’ve come to understand that listening is one of the most important things we can do for one another. Whether the other be an adult or a child, our engagement in listening to who that person is can often be our greatest gift.” ~Fred Rogers

安静在罗杰斯先生看来是被现代社会被所低估的宝贵礼物。

Silence today is so rare, so undervalued, that it is an act of resistance.

他在2002年在达特茅斯学院的毕业演讲中，专门给了大家1分钟时间，去回忆一路走来帮助和关爱过他们的人（纪录片也以同样方式结尾）。他说：

I’d like to give you all an invisible gift. A gift of a silent minute to think about those who have helped you become who you are today。

尊贵与独特

罗杰斯非常看重孩童每个人的独特和宝贵。

他有首著名的歌：

It's you I like

It's not the things you wear

It's not the way you do your hair

But it's you I like

The way you are right now

The way down deep inside you

Not the things that hide you

Not your toys

They're just beside you

But it's you I like

Every part of you

Your skin, your eyes, your feelings

Whether old or new

I hope that you'll remember

Even when you're feeling blue

That it's you I like

It's you yourself

It's you

It's you I like

片子里很令人感动的一幕，就是罗杰斯先生和坐在轮椅上的男孩Jeff Erlanger一起唱这首歌。

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFmpfEFjdFM

工作和呼召

罗杰斯先生原计划读完神学后成为牧师，但是他后来决定选择电视行业进行侍奉。他进入电视行业，是因为觉得电视能够本能够很好的工具，却被滥用。他说：我进入电视行业，不是因为我喜欢，而是因为不喜欢。他期待能够通过做儿童教育节目来服侍孩童。

他的电视节目始于1968年，美国动荡的一年，节目终于2001年，网络时代的曙光之下。

他说，在他看来，从镜头到观众之间的空间是神圣的。因为节目必须保证包容性，他不能使用信仰的语言。但是他一切的节目内容都在传达从信仰而来的价值观。节目所有的台本和歌曲都是他用心所写，他还负责了大部分的布偶表演。

他从不粉饰这个世界，而是用孩子们能理解的语言和表达，向他们解释许多大人们逃避的话题：肯尼迪被刺、哥伦比亚号爆炸、死亡、离婚……帮助孩子们中理解这个复杂和令人困惑的世界。

他从不把收看他节目的孩子们作为商业目标以获取利益。他所作的，是帮助孩子们意识到自身的价值。他的节目布景里一边是他平淡无奇的客厅，一边是make believe小镇，却成了孩子们童年最宝贵的财富。

他的真诚和对孩子们的爱，甚至打动了参议员 （起初态度非常轻蔑），为PBS电视台获得了2千万美元的资金支持。（//www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKy7ljRr0AA）

片中有个片段，是罗杰斯先生邀请黑人警官一起泡脚，非常自然和真诚。当时的大背景是，因为种族隔离政策，黑人不允许在公众游泳池游泳。他通过这一简单的举动，向孩子们传达什么是爱和接纳。

罗杰斯先生的独特之处，就如Brett McCracken写的影评题目所说：“他让良善显得吸引人（Mister Rogers Made Goodness Attractive） 。”

过去的经历

罗杰斯先生在访谈里说，开始工作后，有两件的事对他很有造就。一件事是刚开始在纽约的电视台工作，有些人对待他没有尊重而如同仆人。另一次，他希望询问一位明星可否和她合影，对方轻蔑的拒绝。这些事他希望尽力带着尊重对待他人。有人希望和他合影，他也从不拒绝，因为他知道那种感受。

他非常认真的对待工作、生活、他人，但是并不太把自己当回事，而是非常谦卑。

——

附：

Fred Rogers’ 2002 Commencement Address

Wow. What a privilege to be with you all. Since I’ve arrived here in Hanover, many people have greeted me by saying, “It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood.”Well, indeed it is a beautiful day, but before I begin, I’d like you to know that I recognize that you, who live and work here, have had many days, particularly during these last several months, that have been far from beautiful. You’ve had a painful time, and you’ve handled it with dignity. I feel certain that the Zantop’s generous spirits inspire you. And it’s a great privilege for me to be with you all.

When I was at Dartmouth in the late 1940s, the tuition, room, and board all added up to $1,100 a year. Nobody owned a home computer, and hardly anyone had a television set. And those who did, there was a choice of three channels. I’m not sure if Jeanne Shaheen was even born yet, but very few people would have guessed that within 50 years, a woman would be governor or New Hampshire. Yes. When I was here, the first word of the alma mater was “Men. Men of Dartmouth give a rouse.”Well, now the first word is "Dear." Some things change for the better.

During my first year here, I lived right over there at 101 Middle Mass. And I had two roommates. I had a professor, over there, who did his best to scare everyone in his class, and he gave me the lowest grade that I ever had in any school anywhere. But I also had an astronomy professor, George Dimitrov, who looked for and found what was best in each of his students. When I look at the night sky, I still think of that extra special, kind man.

Dartmouth is many things to each of us, and I'm grateful to Jim and Susan Wright for all that they have done for this school. And I’m grateful to my old friend, Chick Koop, for all that he has done for all of us. And I congratulate every one of you who is being honored in any way during this Commencement weekend.

Our world hangs like a magnificent jewel in the vastness of space. Every one of us is a part of that jewel. A facet of that jewel. And in the perspective of infinity, our differences are infinitesimal. We are intimately related. May we never even pretend that we are not.

Have you heard my favorite story that came from the Seattle Special Olympics? Well, for the 100-yard dash, there were nine contestants, all of them so-called physically or mentally disabled. All nine of them assembled at the starting line, and at the sound of the gun, they took off. But not long afterward, one little boy stumbled and fell, and hurt his knee and began to cry. The other eight children heard him crying. They slowed down, turned around, and ran back to him. Every one of them ran back to him. One little girl with Down Syndrome bent down and kissed the boy, and said, “This'll make it better.”The little boy got up, and he and the rest of the runners linked their arms together, and joyfully walked to the finish line. They all finished the race at the same time. And when they did, everyone in that stadium stood up, and clapped, and whistled, and cheered for a long, long time. People who were there are still telling this story with great delight. And you know why. Because deep down, we know that what matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves. What really matters is helping others win, too. Even if it means slowing down and changing our course now and then.

Anicius Manlius Severinus Boethius—what a name—was the last of the great Roman philosophers, and the first of the scholastics of the Middle Ages. Fifteen hundred years ago, Boethius wrote this sentence, “O happy race of mortals, if your hearts are ruled as is the universe, by Love.”

I was once invited to sit in on a master class of six young cellists from the Pittsburgh Youth Symphony Orchestra. The master teacher was Yo-Yo Ma. Now, Yo-Yo is the most other-oriented genius I’ve every known. His music comes from a very deep place within his being. And during that master class, Yo-Yo gently led those young cellists into understandings about their instruments, their music, and their selves, which some of them told me later, they’d carry with them forever.

I can still see the face of one young man who had just finished playing a movement of Brahms’Cello Sonata, when Yo-Yo said, “Nobody else can make the sound you make.”Of course, he meant that as a compliment to the young man. Nevertheless, he meant that also for everyone in the class. Nobody else can make the sound you make. Nobody else can choose to make that particular sound in that particular way.

I’m very much interested in choices, and what it is, and who it is, that enable us human beings to make the choices we make all through our lives. What choices lead to ethnic cleansing? What choices lead to healing? What choices lead to the destruction of the environment, the erosion of the Sabbath, suicide bombings, or teenagers shooting teachers. What choices encourage heroism in the midst of chaos?

I have a lot of framed things in my office, which people have given to me through the years. And on my walls are Greek, and Hebrew, and Russian, and Chinese. And beside my chair, is a French sentence from Saint-Exupery’sLittle Prince. It reads, “L’essential est invisible pour les yeux.”What is essential is invisible to the eye. Well, what is essential about you? And who are those who have helped you become the person you are? Anyone who has ever graduated from a college, anyone who has ever been able to sustain a good work, has had at least one person, and often many, who have believed in him or her. We just don’t get to be competent human beings without a lot of different investments from others.

I’d like to give you all an invisible gift. A gift of a silent minute to think about those who have helped you become who you are today. Some of them may be here right now. Some may be far away. Some, like my astronomy professor, may even be in Heaven. But wherever they are, if they’ve loved you, and encouraged you, and wanted what was best in life for you, they’re right inside your self. And I feel that you deserve quiet time, on this special occasion, to devote some thought to them. So, let’s just take a minute, in honor of those that have cared about us all along the way. One silent minute.

Whomever you’ve been thinking about, imagine how grateful they must be, that during your silent times, you remember how important they are to you. It’s not the honors and the prizes, and the fancy outsides of life which ultimately nourish our souls. It’s the knowing that we can be trusted. That we never have to fear the truth. That the bedrock of our lives, from which we make our choices, is very good stuff.

There’s a neighborhood song that is meant for the child in each of us, and I’dlike to give you the words of that song right now. “It’s you I like, it’s not the things you wear. It’s not the way you do your hair, but it’s you I like. The way you are right now, the way down deep inside you. Not the things that hide you. Not your caps and gowns, they’re just beside you. But it’s you I like. Every part of you. Your skin, your eyes, your feelings. Whether old or new, I hope that you remember, even when you're feeling blue, that it’s you I like. It’s you, yourself, it’s you. It’s you I like.”

And what that ultimately means, of course, is that you don't ever have to do anything sensational for people to love you. When I say it’s you I like, I’m talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see, or hear, or touch. That deep part of you, that allows you to stand for those things, without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate. Peace that rises triumphant over war. And justice that proves more powerful than greed.

So, in all that you do in all of your life, I wish you the strength and the grace to make those choices which will allow you and your neighbor to become the best of whoever you are. Congratulations to you all.

//news.dartmouth.edu/news/2018/03/revisiting-fred-rogers-2002-commencement-address

其他链接

//www.faithgateway.com/mr-rogers-quiet-revolution/#.XxUnsfj0nlw

//www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/mr-rogers-goodness-attractive/

//www.russellmoore.com/2018/03/21/mister-rogers-still-matters/

片段

Sometimes I Wonder If I'm A Mistake (with duet) - Fred Rogers

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dACAme8FFw

“那些在生活中抗争的人给我留下最深刻的印象”

是啊，现在的电视里充斥着许多暴力，人类最初的单纯和善良变成了时代的奢侈品

影片最后给剧中的人以及剧外的人一分钟的时间想想那些在我们生命中帮助我们成为更好的自己的人有谁？

有人想的是他的妈妈，有人想的是她的保姆，有人想的是弗雷德。

我想的是我的妈妈，从小给我念故事书，在我的爱情受挫时治愈我，在我生病时照顾我，在我抑郁时鼓励我。

当然不止我的妈妈，还有我的朋友，老师，以及给我善意的陌生人。

你呢？

看到四分之三的时候忍不住痛哭了起来… Somehow, could sense his sorrow deeply… 虽然这部纪录片的主题完全不是这个 :p

前不久才知道Fred Rogers. 身为儿童电视之父的他也是一位被任命的长老会牧师。在我里面有一个迫切的思想，就是身为基督徒的我们实在是可以在各个领域做光做盐，彰显神的美好。“城造在山上是不能隐藏的“，而且“人点灯，不放在斗底下，是放在灯台上，就照亮一家的人”。

Fred充满智慧与爱心，而且对孩子们的爱更是让人动容。他不仅关心他们，更是尊重他们。他用孩子们可以明白的语言将最深刻的价值观 — 怜悯、理解、饶恕、接纳等等（其实就是爱的内容）— 传达给他们，成为了美国几代儿童的祝福。（表示很羡慕这些孩子，不过更为感恩的是可以成为别人的祝福。It’s more blessed to give than to receive.）

Fred是一个特别真实的人。电视上的他和真实生活中的他是同一个人，面对镜头的他是真真实实地面对着电视机前的真实的人。因为他相信“能给别人最好的礼物之一就是诚实的自己”。而且他也相信真正重要的东西是眼睛看不到的 What is essential is invisible to the eye.

Fred的神学思想是“爱你的邻舍，如同爱自己”。他把每次与人的交流，当作是他在做的最深刻的心灵交流。他深信“每个人都渴望被爱，渴望得知他或她是讨人爱的，因此我们所能做的最伟大的事，就是帮助别人知道他们被爱也有爱的能力。” 以前总纳闷承受爱有什么难的。不过越来越体会到承受爱真是很不容易，一是会出于骄傲的拒绝，二是会出于害怕失望或受伤害而选择避开...

总觉得被小孩子喜欢的人肯定是个有爱的人。耶稣是完美的榜样。Fred也是一个很好的范本。他照着本相接纳&爱每一位孩子。我好像是信主之后才爱跟小孩子打交道的。照着本相接纳&爱身边的人是一个非常非常奇妙的体验，仅有一点点的体会，不过已经欣然不已。

It's you I like, 我喜欢的是你，

It's not the things you wear, 不是你穿的衣服

It's not the way you do your hair 也不是你的发型

But it's you I like 我喜欢的是你

The way you are right now, 你现在的样子，

The way down deep inside you 你内心深处的样子

Not the things that hide you, 不是遮掩着你的东西

Not your toys 不是你的玩具

They're just beside you. 它们都在你身外

But it's you I like 但我喜欢的是你

Every part of you. 你的每一部分。

Your skin, your eyes, your feelings 你的皮肤，你的眼睛，你的感觉

Whether old or new. 不管是新的还是旧的。

I hope that you'll remember 我希望你记得

Even when you're feeling blue 即使在你感到沮丧的时候

That it's you I like, 我仍喜欢你

It's you yourself 是你的自己

It's you. 是你

It's you I like. 我喜欢的是你

What do you do with the mad you feel when you feel so mad you could bite, when the whole wide world seems oh so wrong and nothing you do seems very right? It's great to be able to stop, when you've planned a thing that's wrong, and be able to do something else instead and think this song. I can stop when I want to, can stop when I wish, can stop, stop, stop anytime. Know that there's something deep inside that helps us become what we can.

从影院出来的时候，碰到两个阿姨一边抹眼睛一边说：“我知道我会这样，可我还是来看了。我需要好好哭一场。”

我并不认识Fred Rogers，可是从影片开始我就哭成一团，到影片结束，哭得上气不接下气。不是因为难过，而是因为太温暖了。

上周偶然一次抱着枕头的动作让我回忆起来了小时候被抱着或者抱着家人睡觉的感觉。也可能是抱着被子。那时候人小，随便一个什么东西抱在手里就觉得巨大，然后就有深深的安全感。再一次通过动作回忆起这个感觉，幸福地在床上打滚傻笑了很久，然后发现也很久没有这样傻笑了，再然后就被治愈了。

这个片子给人也是类似的感觉。你有多久没有被别人确定地、眼睛对着眼睛地说：

You are a very special person. There is only one like you in the whole world. There's never been anyone exactly like you before, and there will never be again. Only you. And people can like you exactly as you are.

因为文化语境不同，我记忆中其实从来没有听到过这句“And people can like you exactly as you are.” 所以在听到Fred笃定地说出这句话的时候，我联想到前段时间的不安全感，无法克制地哭了。（这句话是我网上找到的。影片里的版本还带有You are capable of loving exactly as you are的意思，更是戳到我心里。）

单纯地无条件地被安慰，这是打动我的第一层。

第二层是对不安的宽容。

油管视频

影片里小老虎对漂亮姐姐诉说着自我怀疑，漂亮姐姐安慰他，你不是一个错误。你会以为，小老虎就此开心地笑了，但是Fred没有让他这么做。相反，小老虎和漂亮姐姐的对话变成了一个自我怀疑和安慰的二重唱。不安全感可能永远存在，哪怕是毫无缘由的不安全感。但是这没关系，我们可以让内心多一个声音，把它变成一个二重唱。仅仅是这两者的共存就可以填补内心的缝隙。

Fred还在节目里邀请了一个马上就要动重大手术的孩子。他问孩子：“你也会有沮丧的时候吧？”孩子点头。然后他说：“但不是现在。现在我们很开心。”孩子又点头。短短几句话，表达了理解、安慰、支持、信任，成了一个二重唱。

第三层是在给予安慰时，Fred如何应对自身的不安。挑战者号事件和911发生时，Fred不知道该如何应对这些灾难。他自己也在深深的不安和不确定之中，不知道如何向孩子解释。但是他依然站出来，给予了一个连自己都不甚理解的安慰。影片里，他仿佛是用尽了全身的力气，在镜头面前藏起不安，录了几句鼓励的话，一说完就露出了“刚才那样真的可以吗？”的神色。我在他身上发现，一个人不需要成为一个完人才能给予别人支持，爱和支持不需要百分之一百的自信和笃定也能有它们的力量。

要说不足的话，影片试图对Fred的人生空缺进行填补，仿佛是为了塑造一个更完美的形象。这些填补我不知道是否有必要。但是如果未来再碰到不确定的时刻，我愿意再把这部片拿出来看一看。它像柔软巨大的枕头一样，像对待孩子一样对待我，唤醒我孩子时的思维方式。然后，或许，这个孩子能解决大人解决不了的问题。